


Darling

by LittleRedRoseontheValley (TheLifeAndLiesOfFerns)



Series: Darling [1]
Category: Big Sky Country (Visual Novel)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Divorce, Established Relationship, F/M, Fights, Leaving Home, Married Couple, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27249667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLifeAndLiesOfFerns/pseuds/LittleRedRoseontheValley
Summary: Sawyer did something stupid. He sorely regrets what he has done. Will Morgan forgive him?
Relationships: Sawyer Oakley/Main Character (Big Sky Country)
Series: Darling [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989622
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Darling

**Author's Note:**

> A BSC series. Who’d thought? This was hammering on my head for years, but now it’ll come to fruition.

You had locked the door. I had a key, of course, this was my room before it was ours. I could use it but there was no doubt in my mind that I would be met with a slap to the face if I tried.

I knew that I was outside for a good reason. It had been at least four hours of vigil. It was night out, now, and I had not moved an inch. I had not seen you check up on me but I am still here for you. I am punishing myself for you, for what I did to you.

I am really trying not to feel sorry for myself, but it is freaking cold out here, Morgan, I hope you are happy with what you are doing.

No, I am so sorry. I deserve this, I know.

I had tried standing just behind the door, shouting things to you through the wood. I knew you were not listening but I just hoped you would hear, because I wanted you to.

I shoved my hands into my jean pockets. The house did not have heating and I did not have a coat, nor did you give me time to undress into something more comfortable, cleaner or warmer. Perhaps I should take a bath before telling you hurtful things next time.

Rummaging through the house, I found some scrap paper and a pencil on your desk, next to the downstairs window. I felt as if fate was telling me to write my apology.

My tears splashed down on to the paper, cooling rapidly in the frigid air. It had been a warm day but the frost had taken over the night, much like our relationship. Everything that was once sunny and glowing, now cold and bitter and nothing could thaw it.

You should be pleased that I was suffering. My writing was shaky, uneven and blurred from tears. You could still read it, though. It was if it seeped pure emotion.

You would not want to talk to me, you would not let me explain. I know it will just make you madder but I had to let you know somehow. I am a stubborn man, definitively not the type to give up easily on what is important to me.

I would never give up on you.

_Darling,_

_I know you hate me now and I hate myself, but we’ve got through rough times and I know we can do it again. I’m truly sorry for what I did._

If only I could see myself now when I was a teen! I prided myself in being stable, the strong man that never cried, and I never cursed my crude manner more than I did now. I did not have the emotional tolerance to write you an essay about how much I loved you, but I wish I could.

Nevertheless, I hope you knew that, I hope you know that. I was never good at heartfelt apologies, never the romanticist, but if you wanted me to apologize, I would say that I am sorry to you one thousand times over, if only you would let me inside.

I betrayed you. You sacrificed a lot to be with me, I know, and I turned around and put a knife to your back. You were supportive of me getting back into the rodeo circuit, and I loved doing it all for you to see me. I did not realize that, by choosing to compete, I would be leaving the ranch, while shackling you to it. I did not understand you could not follow me.

It frustrated me. I am not starstruck, I swear. I hate competing, now. I hate rodeo, and I do not want to go back to it if it is going to take me away again. Please, do not tell me it is too late, that I cannot take it all back.

 _Please_.

People talked about our relationship, I knew most of our neighbours did not care for you, treated with distrust and disrespect. I lost count of how many times I heard that I was better off divorced, but I am emotionally attached to you for the unforeseeable future. Those people would say, that was short and sweet, an adventure before the real deal, but they do not know us, me and you. We are the real deal. We will last a lifetime and a sweet existence with you was the only thing I wanted.

Leaving would break me, and I do not think I would have the strength to put myself back together.

You would suffer, too. I knew that because I shamefully hurt you now, and I do not want to do it ever again. We can never be broken; we can never be apart. It is too painful for either of us to live without the other. Take ourselves out of our misery and find it in your heart to forgive me, and I will learn from this mistake.

Please, Morgan. It has only been six hours and I miss you like crazy. You are just behind this door, but there is an emptiness inside me. I want to see you.

I was warm in the hope of your eyes.

I am a simple man, and I have never strayed too far, but the warmest I have ever been was into your arms, regardless of the weather outside. If you wanted to see the world, then I would damn give it to you, just as long as I do not have to let go of your heat, as long as I can go wrapped in your arms.

It is just too cold out here.

I lay down on the couch, in the living room. The fabric was sticky, and it was too small for my tall frame. I put a throw pillow under my head and cover myself with the mantle you knitted last Spring.

I rest my head on our seat. I have a big family and there were not enough places for everyone, so you would sit on my lap, on this corner of the old couch. For the majority of the night, you would sink down, get comfortable, your head on my chest and something to drink in your hand.

I would give anything to be sitting here with you again, but right now all I could imagine was being pulled under, engulfed by the material and the trauma I had put you through.

You had seen good in me so many times before, I hoped it was not wearing thin. I loved you, and you loved me, still, right?

Soon, it was morning again, and I did not sleep a wink. I watched you walk into the living room. The curtains were open, but there was no sunlight out. The day was overcast with a thick blanket of rainclouds.

You collapsed in front of me. I do not know what happened, but something in me broke at that moment. To see you hurt was painful but to know that I hurt you was unbearable. I stood up in panic, I could see your shoulders wilting. You looked crippled with sadness. 

“Forgive me, please.” I coached, tears falling from my blue eyes. “Please, Morgan. Ask whatever you want from me, you can have it. Just forgive me. Please.”

You cried and cried, unable to say a single thing. We clung to one another to dear life. I do not know how long we remained, crumpled on the carpeted floor, commiserating on the suffering I caused on the both of us.

Until I saw the suitcases.

“Let me go, Sawyer.” You said, looking at me with bloodshot, wide eyes. Like a fawn that lost its mother. “Please. Just let me go.”


End file.
